The Death, Fear and Philosophy…

As I have told in one of my older posts- “The Taste of Success and Failure…“, I have a good reading habit from my child hood. It turned to serious subjects like psychology and philosophy at the time of my under graduate studies in mathematics. Then, I really had a crush to ‘death’….!!!

Don’t worry my dear reader – it was not a tendency to suicide, but a tendency to know more about the final destination of everybody – “the death“. My doubts were-“What will happen after death?”, “What is the death – in fact?”, as the religions say “Is there a place like heaven or hell?”, “What are God and  Devil?”.  May be the philosophical books I had been reading those days might divert my thinking to that way. I read books by Socrates,  Plato, Aristotle, Osho, Nityachaithanya Yati, Swami Vivekananda, Adi Shankara, ‘Thathwamasi’ by Sukumar Azhikode and Referred some books related to Taoism, Zen, Sufism, Atheism, Christianity, Upanishads, Vedas, Ramayana, Mahabharata and some other philosophical ideologies (I forget the names) … Thanks to the good collection of books in the college library and the public library in my beautiful village. While reading Adi Shankara– I strongly believed in the principles of Advaita. In the famous book “Thathwamasi”, Sukumar Azhikode also told almost the same. But, when started to read the books related to Atheism and the theory of randomness, I was totally confused…

I wrote a twenty-four line poem – imagining death as my sweetheart –  in the a second year of my graduation- first two lines of the poem is given below…

എന്റെ കാമുകി… (My Sweetheart…)

അവളെന്‍റെ കാമുകി, കാര്‍മുകില്‍ വര്‍ണയാമവളെത്ര ശാലീന സുന്ദരി… മോഹിനി…!!! (She’s my Sweetheart, the dark and seducing beauty…!!!)
അവളത്രേ സംസാര ദുഖാന്തക, പ്രിയരേ അറിയില്ലേ നിങ്ങളെന്‍ പ്രണയിനിയെ ??? (She could save from the worldly sorrows, dear friends- don’t you know my lovely darling ???)

*****

My thinking about death redirected me to a confused state of existence of God. At last, I concluded, “Every body is correct in some points, but nobody is telling about the whole truth”. It was like the blind men explaining the elephant – the first blind man who touched the tail of elephant said ‘Elephant is like a broom’,  second one who touched the legs and told ‘Elephant is like a pillar’… and so on.

I felt the real relief when started to read Swami Vivekananda – a philosopher who had a practical approach to anything. He never asked people to avoid food and pray to God for better results. He have real hope on young people. He told “A football player will understand the meaning of Bhagavad Gita, better than a starving devotee”. His visions made me capable to think freely…

And I found, it is inane to follow some others’s principles blindly – whether it is philosophy, religious worship or political beliefs. We should listen everything and should make a conclusion as our own. It may be right or wrong in some other’s view – but of course it is my brand. (My kid may fair or dark, but of course it’s “MY KID”. For me, he/she is the most beautiful baby in the universe). Just like that, my principles are my passion, which defines my life. I have to stand for that- but, I should be ready to correct, if found a mistake from my side… The skill of thinking is differentiating between the human being and animals. But seems most of the peoples are not using that special skill of brain and walk one among all.

And at last I found my philosophy: “No Gods will come to earth to help you directly  in your issues. There are human beings – like you and me – who help us in our problems. The God is not a so called person who sit at some place too far (called Heaven) and make and solve our issues using a remote control…!!!

When you help somebody, the empathy in your mind is the blessing and you are the God of that person at that time-nobody else it is YOU. Just like that, when you do some cruel or evil thing to somebody, remember- the cruelty and negative attitude in your mind is the curse. Then you are the Devil to the victim.

The biggest fear is the fear to death. If you don’t afraid of it, nobody/nothing can defeat you. Because, as Shakespeare said- “Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once (Julius Caesar, Act – I, Scene 2)”. 

Be a well behaving person with pleasant face and be confident on your deeds. Fear nobody to do a good deed… Ultimately there is nobody to question you, but your conscience.“

I don’t know how acceptable my philosophies to others. But, I stick on this. Of course I respect other’s beliefs also as I am not a rebel. And since I reached this philosophy, the queries related to death were not some thing so serious to me. Because, I’ve identified – death is not a big thing- it can happen anybody at anytime and it is the only sure thing in life. So let it happen. I have no time to bother about that. The matter is not how will you die, but how are you living… So live as a good person- with principles and dignity.

Let me conclude this post with a quote from the most practical and dynamic Guru from India- Great Sri Sri Swami Vivekananda:

“Fear is death, fear is sin, fear is hell, fear is unrighteousness, fear is wrong life. All negative thoughts and ideas that are in the world have proceeded from the evil spirit of fear:

Birthday, Food and Survival of the Fittest…

My friend’s Birthday…

Tom Thomas

April 7, 2011 was a day of celebration for me. It was the birthday of one of my best friends and roommate Mr. Tom – whohas been my friend by the last thirteen years. We were class mates in graduation. After B.Sc. Maths, he took two post graduate degrees – one in English Literature and the other in Library Science- plus a post graduate diploma in journalism. He had been working in Thiruvananthapuram (the capital city of Kerala) as an e-journalist by the last 5 years. Few months before, he joined in a French MNC and got his appointment to Kochi – the city I have been working by years. So, then onwards he became my room mate too.

At the beginning of April 7th (Midnight) I surprised him with a Small Gift and as the reply he surprised me in the evening by inviting me for dinner at a multi cuisine Chinese restaurant -the same place, I had welcomed him to Kochi on his first day in the City.  The specialties of that restaurant are the salient atmosphere, tasty food in a reasonable rate. Another noticeable thing is the large quantity of food they supply.

We ordered 2 soups, fried rice and curry. Half quantity of the fried rice was more than enough for an average man. After a soup it was too much. Tom was not able to finish the half portion of the rice. So he took 2/5th of the whole and asked me to finish it up. I was also in the same condition. But, I had no option but took the remaining 3/5th portion. Seeing my half-hearted and unwanted eating, he asked me to stop, if I really don’t wanted that much. But I finished the whole, since I had decided much before to never ever waste food.

In my child hood, when ever I wasted my food, my parents advised me not to waste the food. They often told me “You don’t know the value of the food. Because, you are the well kept kid in a middle class family and you never felt the real hunger. There are a lot of kids who don’t get even a single meal a day… ”

While riding back to our residence in the Kochi city, I remembered the day; I have taken my decision to waste no food.

*****

The Hotel in the Salem Bus Station …

It was the summer time- mid of of April, 2005. I was coming to my home from Bangalore for celebrating the Vishu with my family. Since it was the festival time in Kerala, no train tickets were available. Luxury bus tickets were also sold out. I just had 3 days leave, so I hurried to interstate bus station of Bangalore central and get a Tamilnadu Road Transport Corporation’s bus to Salem. I hoped to get a connection bus from Salem to my native place in Kerala. I reached Salem by 9 pm. From the office of the bus station, I came to know the connection bus would come at 9:30 pm only. So I went for the supper to a hotel near the bus station. After having my food, I went to washroom to clean up. When I looked through the window of the wash room – which is opening to the back yard of the hotel – I saw some street dogs fighting for the waste food from the hotel. At first glance, I found nothing special in it, as it is a normal view from the  waste dumping area of any hotel.

Suddenly I shocked by seeing a dark-skeleton-like kid of 3 or 4 years old, crawling to the food wastes and pushing away the faces of the dogs and trying to get some food. I have never before seen or imagined such a thing. I was traumatized for a moment. I wanted to do something for that kid. At least I wanted to took him out from the messy business and give enough food. But, at that moment I did not know what to do – I could not miss the bus. If so, I would miss the Vishu with my family. Same time, I heard the announcement of the arrival of my bus. After paying the hotel bill, I ran to the bus to get a seat-with a heavy heart.

I could not sleep that night. Sitting in the bus, whole night I was thinking about the dark – lean boy at the SalemBus Station. He was fighting to the street dogs for a little bit of food, at the age of three or four. It was a thing, I had imagined never before .

I looked around; all the passengers in the bus were sleeping. I felt some difficulty to breath as a heavy stone had placed over my chest. I could not control my eyes filling with tears, thinking of the unknown dark and lean kid. For all the starving people on the earth – and decided I won’t waste food ever again. Still I can’t define my feeling at that time and why did I weep like a kid? I understood the meaning of the words of my father. After that, I never wasted my food.

*****

I remember my mother often say “You can’t satisfy people by giving money, but food”. Recently my relative brother works in USA also told me the same thing. Yes, It is correct – The value of food is something special. As Herbert Spenser said in his famous theory known as “Survival of the Fittest“, this world is for the survivors. To survive, everybody have to fight to their situations. This is world for winners not for losers. In the Salem Bus Station also I found the same…

” The fight for surviving… The fight for the life… The Struggling for the existence… and of course, the value of food…!!!“

*****

Dear dark-lean kid at Salem Bus Station… I don’t know where you are now. But you changed my attitude towards life… Thank you very much. Now I feel ashamed for not helped you anyway. I know, it’s worthless to confessing now… But, I want to.

The Tastes of Success and Failure…

Just like you, I also don’t like failure. But – honestly speaking – for me, it’s not a big deal… I believe, ‘if you have an attitude to strive for the success, no target is too far’. I will explain with an example.

As I have mentioned in my blog post ‘Blood is thicker than Water’, my schooling was in a Christian church managed Malayalam medium school in our village. Unlike the lower primary classes, I was not a high performing student in high school. Even my total mark percentages are much lesser than the school toppers, I also considered as one of the brilliant students in that batch. Because I was the school topper of Mathematics (only). I had a reasonably good reading habit on various topics, but never been a good textbook reader. I hated mugging of definitions and long – long essays on worthless topics. So, I scored below average marks for History, Hindi and Biology and just average marks for Geography, Malayalam and English. But, I scored above average marks for my favorite subjects like Physics and Chemistry. And of course, I really dominated the Maths. So, my total marks percentage was just above average, between seventy and eighty percentages…

In Kerala, till late 1990’s,  the higher study after 10^th standard was the universities conducted pre-degree courses (PDC). Since I had scored some ‘not-bad’ marks for the Maths group subjects (Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry), I got an easy admission in First Group (Also known as Maths Group). The atmosphere in college was totally different from that of the school in my village. No uniforms, no restrictions, no painful punishments… but, no caring teachers too. Unlike the school teachers, Professors’ attitude was something like “If you want, you should study. If you have doubt, you ask me. If I have time, I shall answer- otherwise go to library and learn your self”.

The unexpected change of teaching medium was a big challenge for me. The person sat next to me was Mr. Kitt (I have mentioned about him in my past blog “Three Good Friends in Chennai”) He had no problem with the teaching medium, as he was from an English medium school. (Also he was a much better student than I was.)

I attended the classes mechanically, without understanding anything the professors taught. And since I was a boy who keep text book anew (never opened), I have failed two out of five subjects for the first term examination.That was my first academic failure (Not a big thing- later, failure of exams became a usual thing… ). During my school days, I had never been failed even for a single subject. So it became a big shame. I did not know what to do and decided to consult my English professor who liked me very much.

He told me “Mahesh, your problem is common challenge for most of the came-from-Malayalam-medium students. If you put some sincere efforts, you can improve your linguistic skills as good as an English medium student. And remember, Reading – Reading – Reading… It’s the only way to improve.” He paused and added with a smile “Normally nobody put a sincere effort in it… They just study their subjects and earn marks. But, they understand the limitations when they enter in to the profession.”

I decided to learn English language. The collage library usually open at 8:30 am. If I wanted to reach library by that time, I had to start from house at 7:30 am. Only if I reached there by that time, I could spend an hour to read two – three English News Papers. At my home, we used to read Malayalam Daily. When I told the things to my mother-the-best, she was very happy to make Tiffin and breakfast for me before 7 am. (This is one of the many reasons, I consider my mother as the lady behind my all successes –as mentioned in The M-Factor)

From the very next day onwards, I started my “Operation English learning”. The first book I took from the library was “Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens. But, when I tried to read the book, I lost all Expectations about learning English. When ever I tried to read a single page, I needed to refer the English-Malayalam dictionary at least ten times. My vocabulary was too pathetic even to understand what the book is telling about. I often felt, better trying to swim across The English Channel than learning English. But, like King Robert Bruce, I was also not ready to give up. I returned Dickens‘ ‘Great Expectations’ to the library, but I had some the ‘real great expectations’ about my English learning. I took three kids books- one nursery rhymes, Cinderella stories and ‘The Adventures of Tom Swayer’. Seeing these books, other students laughed at me. But, I was shameless, and nothing could stop my enthusiasm to learn. My target was much more important to me than the silly ego of ‘What the others shall think me’. Because, I knew, first of all I need to build up the basics. ‘Strong foundation is the necessary thing for a big Building.’

The fifteen years old boy was not ready to give up… And now, my English is reasonably good. At least, I can communicate well to others.

*****

Even I have a lot of limitations in life, I am happy now – in terms of my achievements in my less than thirty years living on this planet. When look back to my past life, I can find a lot of reasons to be depressed. But, I don’t want that. I count ‘what I have’- not ‘what I lose’. I don’t think I have reached my ultimate destination. I believe, there is no such final destination for anything. Life is going-on in a flow, as mentioned in the concept of randomness – it’s just happening. The events come to our life according to the chaos theory. We can’t say something happening in our life is final. Everything happen is a continuation of another one and the reason of some others. So I’m still trying for continuous improvement, which will help me not to be a big loser in future. If I sit idle, gradually I will lose the feeling of comfort.

If you are cheerful, the peoples will like you. But, when you start to complain about your environments, they will move away and you will be isolated. This attitude makes me a cheerful person. That’s why I told you, failure is not a big deal for me. I am positive and believe- behind every big success there should be a story of die hard striving. In fact, the ‘Go-getter‘ attitude and the ‘self driven striving‘ are the parameters to differentiate a successful man and a loser. The life is too short and we have no time for sitting idle and cursing the fate. If we really want some thing, the only option is just ‘Go for that‘. Let the others decide how successful our efforts were…

So my dear reader, you decide – how successful I am, in the effort to learn good English…

*****

P.S: Now I have a copy of “The Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens in my personal library- in the group of very special & memorable books.